Tuesday, February 23, 2010

withdrawal symptoms

The past couple of days have been a challenge. I am experiencing very strong withdrawal symptoms from the seroxat medication that I am on. It feels like I am having very unstable mood swings and my body is shivering in a very odd way. It feels like a very small tremor. I also feel like my body is going to collapse whenever I stand up.

I had some night terrors last night. I was so afraid of going to sleep that I almost felt like I was losing my mind. It was not nice. I think that I was very vulnerable in such a personal and intimate way last night that no words can really communicate how it felt, also, I don't think I really even appreciate that fear of how I felt right now that it has passed. I felt genuinely that I was scared of losing my mind and that the world would deem me insane from this fear. I was very frightened, upset, and scared. Definately something the warm embrace of another would help to comfort me from, but alas.

I went for a jog today, it was 35 minutes and quite intensive, although short. I felt a real sense of pushing myself and not stopping for anything (except a heart attack). I jogged hard today, I thought to myself: It's not about the time you put in, its about what you do with it.

I felt this sense of determination that was fresh. I hope to continue that pace. If I keep at least 20 minutes of high heart rate, and a controlled diet. I can reach a calorie burning equilibrium. I just have to think small steps, I need to take any victory that I can get. Today's jog was a small one. I really want pasta. I'm off downstairs :)

No comments: