I slept twice in the past 16 hours. I went to sleep about 8pm as an attempt to sleep early to avoid napping. It worked to a limited degree. I ended up waking up just before 10pm and then was pissing about until 5am. I woke up around 11.
During the night, I made a lot of comfort food (found in the house) and my shirt has a distinct garlic smell from oven-cooking some spring rolls. Not good. I feel fat this morning.
I shaved my beard off. I'm not quite sure why, I shaved today, and saw that my beard was uneven. I decided to trim it, then trim some more, and more yet again. The last time I 'trimmed' during those three times my mind was on keeping the hair as short as possible for when the shaving actually happened. Needless to say that there was a lot of pubic hair (face) on the sink.
After looking at my face beardless after about a month, I felt disgust at the face that I looked upon. I thought my beard was hiding a beautiful boy, the beautiful boy that Antonia saw in me, a sexual, brilliant plaything for her. Instead I saw a boy who was insecure at university who fucks pillows and has a horrible belly. I should have kept the beard, at least the face with the beard expressed inner strength and defiance.
No matter. I have resolved to go jogging today. After this post I'll see to getting my gear ready. Today I shall train with the velcro-weights. I have put on my slimming/suffocation belt. I shall have a shower upon return. I'll see how well the jog goes. I am intent on pursuing the fight to lose weight.
Some good news, despite feeling fat, I am objectively more beautiful. I have gone down to 229lbs today. Perhaps the most important realisation of this is that my weight is stabilising instead of flucuating up, then down, then up again.
I know that the battle for beauty is fierce. I must fight pound for pound. I feel like I am placed in a boxing ring with my inner demons, and I have to go the 15 rounds to defeat my inner insecurities.
I'm going to win. But it's going to take the long slog. Here's to a good training session
During the night, I made a lot of comfort food (found in the house) and my shirt has a distinct garlic smell from oven-cooking some spring rolls. Not good. I feel fat this morning.
I shaved my beard off. I'm not quite sure why, I shaved today, and saw that my beard was uneven. I decided to trim it, then trim some more, and more yet again. The last time I 'trimmed' during those three times my mind was on keeping the hair as short as possible for when the shaving actually happened. Needless to say that there was a lot of pubic hair (face) on the sink.
After looking at my face beardless after about a month, I felt disgust at the face that I looked upon. I thought my beard was hiding a beautiful boy, the beautiful boy that Antonia saw in me, a sexual, brilliant plaything for her. Instead I saw a boy who was insecure at university who fucks pillows and has a horrible belly. I should have kept the beard, at least the face with the beard expressed inner strength and defiance.
No matter. I have resolved to go jogging today. After this post I'll see to getting my gear ready. Today I shall train with the velcro-weights. I have put on my slimming/suffocation belt. I shall have a shower upon return. I'll see how well the jog goes. I am intent on pursuing the fight to lose weight.
Some good news, despite feeling fat, I am objectively more beautiful. I have gone down to 229lbs today. Perhaps the most important realisation of this is that my weight is stabilising instead of flucuating up, then down, then up again.
I know that the battle for beauty is fierce. I must fight pound for pound. I feel like I am placed in a boxing ring with my inner demons, and I have to go the 15 rounds to defeat my inner insecurities.
I'm going to win. But it's going to take the long slog. Here's to a good training session
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