In RPG games, which I quite like, there is a notion of self-improvement which always appealed to me. This notion is of the experience point, and levelling up. Life provides challenges in which one can become a better person from persevering through. I wish life were really like that.
In RPGs, experience points did not really obey any differentials such as age. I could be a high level and defeat my elders. Conversely, olders could be at some ridiculously high level and defeat me with ease.
Sometimes I consider whether living through experiences helps me level up in life skills. I felt like levelling up when I lost my virginity (insert immature jokes here). I felt like levelling up when I did well at school. I didn't feel like levelling up at university or when I faced the adversities of depression, lonliness, social isolation or persevering through the difficult times.
Levelling up is a fantasy, the fantasy that experiences make us better people. The old adege of Nietzsche that 'what does not destroy me can only make me stronger. Nietzsche surely hasn't heard of PTSD. On the other hand, there are those who have certainly suffered in life but have surely persevered in their spirit, even if not in other aspects of their lives.
I know some family members who lost a son when I was too young to understand. The son was 19 years old (I think), and was the first born, not only in their family, but of the generation that my cousins encapsulated (I was the last in that generation). It had a powerful impact on the family. When I look at the parents of that guy who I never remembered, I see such love in their eyes, and a suffering that I could not even begin to fathom. They have a religious fervour that I find odd, but makes more sense in the context of their hardships.
I feel that the more that I engage in those tasks that I absolutely dread, the better I get at it. I feel a barrier slowly is brought down. I must not fear it but surmount it. PhD applications, emailing referees, applying for jobs, making phone calls, arranging appointments, chasing things up and most difficult a task has become almost mundane now: thinking about the future.
In RPGs, experience points did not really obey any differentials such as age. I could be a high level and defeat my elders. Conversely, olders could be at some ridiculously high level and defeat me with ease.
Sometimes I consider whether living through experiences helps me level up in life skills. I felt like levelling up when I lost my virginity (insert immature jokes here). I felt like levelling up when I did well at school. I didn't feel like levelling up at university or when I faced the adversities of depression, lonliness, social isolation or persevering through the difficult times.
Levelling up is a fantasy, the fantasy that experiences make us better people. The old adege of Nietzsche that 'what does not destroy me can only make me stronger. Nietzsche surely hasn't heard of PTSD. On the other hand, there are those who have certainly suffered in life but have surely persevered in their spirit, even if not in other aspects of their lives.
I know some family members who lost a son when I was too young to understand. The son was 19 years old (I think), and was the first born, not only in their family, but of the generation that my cousins encapsulated (I was the last in that generation). It had a powerful impact on the family. When I look at the parents of that guy who I never remembered, I see such love in their eyes, and a suffering that I could not even begin to fathom. They have a religious fervour that I find odd, but makes more sense in the context of their hardships.
I feel that the more that I engage in those tasks that I absolutely dread, the better I get at it. I feel a barrier slowly is brought down. I must not fear it but surmount it. PhD applications, emailing referees, applying for jobs, making phone calls, arranging appointments, chasing things up and most difficult a task has become almost mundane now: thinking about the future.
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