Thursday, February 11, 2010

One's present thoughts

I thought that since I have a blogging diahorrea, I might just talk about some things on my mind (and my face). Since, I find blogging very therapeutic and I want to share these little things going on.

1. Beard. I've decided to grow a beard at the moment. This seems a minor change in appearance. I used to grow beards willy nilly back in the past without keeping them for long. In the recent couple of years I have been consistent in my regular shaving. For me, shaving symbolises being organised. Growing a beard is a bit of maintenance, it's a goat more than a full beard (so I can have smooth cheeks with the distinction of a beard.

Having a beard changes my face, it also seems to change my aura of appearance (I hope that's not too metaphysical or spiritual a term as it is not intended). I'm not sure if I like my 'beard face'. It was often the case that in some star trek episodes a beard represented an alternate reality or evil counterpart, or future self. I suppose 'beard'-conatus is a different aura to '¬beard'-conatus. I'll see how long I keep it for

2. Food. I'm eating way too much. My mum says she wants to abstain from meat during lent. I think I agree. I would like to try to avoid meat, or at least respect no meat while in their house. I shall try to avoid meat. I think it will make a serious difference to my diet and calorie usage. It will be hard to avoid fast food though. Vegetarian fast food is lame. I'll abstain from alcohol for good measure. I've been tempted to go to lidl to buy gin. I think that's very bad!

3. Valentines day. I'm spending valentines with my ex. I know how that sounds, and it probably sounds the same in my head too. I bet you, the reader, are thinking that I'm going to indulge the thoughts that I love her and will end up hurting myself again from opeining my heart up to her and having to confront the inevitable reality that I'll never get with her again, and feel taunted by her telling me stories about all the new men in her life and her making me feel pathetic and inferior.

Well, I suppose I admit this is a possible, well, likely mistake. But I'm lonely and I don't have many friends. Antonia happens to be one of my 'friends'. These days, I don't have many people to talk to and my habit of talking to strangers on chatrooms isn't very healthy so I must avoid. In short, if you were here to stop me, feel free.

I'm waiting...

See. So, I'm off to be stupid and spend valentines with my ex. I probably won't have sex with her, but we will talk, have a few laughs, do some farming, eat meals together. Maybe we'll watch avatar and then sleep together. I'll also have some nice yummy cuddles with her.

4. Job hunt. My job hunt isn't going so well of late. I also have to chase up this new internet thing that the job centre has put me on, and they have not been helpful at all! More about that another time perhaps

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