I suspect today may be a day where I write a lot of blog posts, or where I may have good intentions but may not get terribly much done. Damn, I'm pessimistic already!
Anyhoo, I wanted to type about this issue: I make a morning ritual, even before I was on the SSRI, to pop pills or supplements or whatever. I suspect they may not work but just give me fishy burps in the morning or brightly coloured wee but I chose to continue with it. I did it (I suspect) for the following reasons:
1. I had bought a stack of pills in the past that I feared would just end up laying about the house without use.
2. I slightly hope it might be better to take than not take
3. I have an interest in depleting it so far as to feel a sense of achievement. To leave it laying about the house would feel more like a nuisance and a burden and symptomatic of an attitude that refused to deal with problems or dead weight (i.e. my dad's attitude)
4. One of the bottle was given to me by my ex, and I feel a connection to them for that reason such that I couldn't give it away or throw it away. Further, perhaps going through them daily would be like honouring her memory and yet slightly getting rid of her symbolically out of my heart.
She upset me a bit yesterday, telling me she's after a new guy. I feel like this is a start to another repeated chapter in her cyclical and predictable life. What say of my life in that comparison? I must by contrast, be better than that, for myself and my dignity.
I finished all of the supplementary pills in my cupboard. Pill popping is as much part of my daily ritual as shaving, it gives me a sense that I'm making a step forward in the day, and they also say that the first step in a journey is the hardest. If I make that first step I can find one positive and then continue with the next step. that is why routine is important to me, I know that doesn't sound like a very good propositional argument but I'm just trying to rationalise.
Onwards! (perhaps one of many posts, I suspect I have blogging diahorrea)
Anyhoo, I wanted to type about this issue: I make a morning ritual, even before I was on the SSRI, to pop pills or supplements or whatever. I suspect they may not work but just give me fishy burps in the morning or brightly coloured wee but I chose to continue with it. I did it (I suspect) for the following reasons:
1. I had bought a stack of pills in the past that I feared would just end up laying about the house without use.
2. I slightly hope it might be better to take than not take
3. I have an interest in depleting it so far as to feel a sense of achievement. To leave it laying about the house would feel more like a nuisance and a burden and symptomatic of an attitude that refused to deal with problems or dead weight (i.e. my dad's attitude)
4. One of the bottle was given to me by my ex, and I feel a connection to them for that reason such that I couldn't give it away or throw it away. Further, perhaps going through them daily would be like honouring her memory and yet slightly getting rid of her symbolically out of my heart.
She upset me a bit yesterday, telling me she's after a new guy. I feel like this is a start to another repeated chapter in her cyclical and predictable life. What say of my life in that comparison? I must by contrast, be better than that, for myself and my dignity.
I finished all of the supplementary pills in my cupboard. Pill popping is as much part of my daily ritual as shaving, it gives me a sense that I'm making a step forward in the day, and they also say that the first step in a journey is the hardest. If I make that first step I can find one positive and then continue with the next step. that is why routine is important to me, I know that doesn't sound like a very good propositional argument but I'm just trying to rationalise.
Onwards! (perhaps one of many posts, I suspect I have blogging diahorrea)
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