Dear Diary,

 

It's my off day today. I'm off to CBT in a moment, then I'm possibly doing some gym. 

Things on my mind at the moment:

• Lots to do this week, but over the past month or so it just feels routine. I think I'm getting into a pattern, although I am currently behind on stuff. 
• That girl I know from fetlife is really depressed right now - actually another girl from fetlife is depressed, but those are two different situations and two different girls. Its on my mind because I feel worried about them, and I also am reminded of my own growing sense of dread
• Last night at the gym I did an hour on the treadmill. I put on some depressive black metal and my brain just went into some kind of autopilot. It was therapeutic, although not very calorie hungry to be honest. I'll make up for that otnight
• I've gotten a word back from my old university, it's possibly good news. I have to move forward in the process of getting my documents
• I really like working, but I must accept that after november I will be back in the doghouse of underemployment. Part of me is distracted by the prospect of spending all that money. Another part of me is worrying about the future and money related issues. There's a news story about the price rise in gas, there's a teacher's strike today as well. I'm not living in a good world right now. I'm not at my best either. I have to keep pushing and working in an imperfect world

I had more things to say but I've run out of time.

 

This blog is my constant, but lately I've not had enough attention for it.

 

gotta go now.