Dear diary,

I'm feeling quite worn down now.

 

I'm wearing my old levis jeans. Why is that important to mention? It isn't really. However I'm running out of 'good' trousers and these are the mainly sturdy clothes that I have left, that aren't like work suit trousers or something.They are trousers from when I was a student. I'm not a student anyore.I've moved on from that time. However there are things happening, and memories that come to me, that will never want me to forget those days...those darker days.

 

I remember sitting at bristol university's access unit along the corridor. Waiting for someone to talk to me in the assessment room. I remember feeling very sad. I remember the darkness. I am feeling very isolated right now, very alone. I feel frightened. I wish I had someone on my corner right now. I wish I had an entourage like those tennis guys - Djokovic and Murray have an entourage of people who support him and make him feel his best. Wish I had one of those. 

 

This depressed feeling is making me feel sleepy. I've got to push on. I've got to fight this hard. I've got to stand up, post this blog, go downstairs, go outside, walk to the ATM, check out some cash, then I'll walk to Boots or superdrug and buy some shampoo and condiitoner. maybe I'll have a look inside computer exchange and then I'll walk home. I'll be tempted to buy some snack food but I'll resist, won't I? 

 

Then I'll get home, eat properly and carry on with my pathetic life. 

 

Maybe if i'm lucky, I'll do some Gym. That sounds like a jam packed day. I probably don't even have time for it all. So I better fuckingstart now!.

 

Onwards

(God I feel miserable0