Monday, October 28, 2013

Dear Diary,


Busy sunday at work. I had occupied myself with lots of various tasks, much of it was an attempt to catch up with everything. This monday is going to be the penultimate day I'm working at Sentinel Sport. I'll be working with the guy that I was covering for sick leave. He's coming back on reduced hours. 


In other news I've been doing various things: mostly planning stuff, sorting stuff. I went through a fuckload of newspapers, I read about 2 weeks worth of newspapers and magazines just now, while watching 8 episodes of New Girl and '2 Broke Girls', I also watched a familiy guy episode. After the reading I had a bite to eat and watched How I met your Mother on the tivo downstairs. I like that show, I don't know why.


At work I went on the 'wrongplanet' aspergers forum, as it was 'quiet' at work today. I found out that there is an arts and performance thing going on with Autism and aspergers people, or for them, rather. It's called stim rock express. I emailed about it, someone got back to me and she said that I could play as a solo musician. I have an opportunity to meet other aspergers people, and engage with something I really like. I like learning about performing and just today I was thinking about how I have this background in music but I never perform. 


Something as I was writing this blog post hit me. When I called the university last week, I called as a 27 year old adult. I'm like a proper grown up now, although not with a full time job, I am working two part time jobs right now. When I first delat with the university I was still remembering 'A' Levels. I remember growing up I noticed how the doctors and professionals would talk to me differently reflecting that I grew up. So I'm an adult now, but I remember being in various servies all my life growing up. 


To have to revisit somewhere like Stim Rock Express, and being around all those aspergers people, many of them I presume have carers and formalised support groups and professional how I used to have, i feel like I'm revisiting my past selves, my vulnerabilities.



I dunno...maybe I'm just overthinking it right now. Today and this week has been really active, and in some ways, really good. I spent too much money, but besides that I'm quite pleased at the results and outcomes. I really have to just push on and work on with things. I have a lot to do, I've done a lot certainly. Ther'es more to do, and I'll be proud of myself if I can manage the end of this coming week having done lots of job applications and moved forward on other things.


I should go to bed. If i slept at 1am that would be early compared to previous weeks. I'm so glad to have my primary watch back and running again. That watch is an old friend to me. 


There's a big storm coming today. I am thinking (vainly) about what I could wear. Perhaps if I could just sleep that would be an achievement. 


One of the continual life lessons is just: keep moving, and one step at a time (i hate the expression 'baby steps'). If I just need to think about the one or two steps immeiate to me, that would be alrgiht. I might go into bed with no music on, and no radio on, just the company of my own thoughts.


Lately...and I know this is really weird. I have gotten into Premier Christian Radio. ...there's something alluring about Christian radio. I've always found something alluring about evangelical christianity. Perhaps it is how assured in their life and their place in life. I kind of want for that myself. Like Augustine once said...something about God giving restless minds rest. Matthew 11:28 says: come to me those who are weary and work laden, and I can give you rest. 


So I'm doing bible quotes now? Ah fuck it, I listen to black metal, I know what I am.

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