Sometimes the dark stuff isn't happening to me, but around me.

dear diary

 

I woke up, had a wank. now i'm lucid again.

There's a lot of dark shit going on lately. My neighbour/family friend is very ill. Fatally ill but nobody wants to acknowledge it. Second bout of pneumonia in a year, she's in pretty bad condition according to my mum. I was at a death anniversary last week which I may have mentioned. Also I am a bit troubled by another family friend who has talked of being mistreated at work and now he has very unstable mental health because of being laid off and mistreated. Life's getting pretty hard on people. Thinking about them makes me not think so much about myself. It's pretty worrying, sobering. In my mind I can't relax that much, I can't let go of knowing these things. I care about them and i wear it liek a burden of emotional stoicism.

I need to laugh more but I find few things funny. I comfort myself through eating, I think that's no secret.

 

The Plan for Today:

• Call HR to claim expenses on travel - just did that now
• Go to work
• Go home
• Go to gym? more applications? - all optional

My knee is a bit dicky today. It might be worth giving it a break.

 

Tomorrow I'm going to be off to do some fun stuff. Meet sociably, go to a gig. First time to meet a certain work colleague outside of work, you know, the one i like...