It messed up when I was doing my masters. It destroyed my relationships and fucked with my grades. I'm still suffering to this day by the stigma of it and the destruction it had from the way i changed when i engaged in the purging behaviours.

I have referred to it as an 'it', like its something separate from me, something external. I should accept that it was my fault and my responsibility. The things I did were my choice. I fucked up, I try every day to make things better but I cant undo what happened.

'it' feels like coming back...

 

also, i didnt get the funding.