Tuesday, November 4, 2014

i feel angry at my life.

i am not in a good mood for an interview right now.

I am not psyched up or anything for this interview. I'm tired. I'm tired because I went to a funeral about 9 days ago and I haven't had more than a single day off work since the funeral and I am exhausted. I haven't had time to catch up on myself and now I suddenly have to rush to prepare for 2 interviews, a discussion group, an orientation session.

I want to be good at all of the things ahead of me, but I've been too stretched out.

I don't have any good chances anyway, being a minority group of several differnt kinds. I know that the agency has given them advice about how I am disabled and how that makes me different to interview as a candidate.

I want to purge. I want to put my fingers inside as far as I can into my mouth and see what happens.

I'm trying so hard to keep it together. I am trying so fucking hard and I KNOW WHAT WILL HAPPEN.

I WON'T GET EITHER OF THE FUCKING JOBS AND I'LL WON'T BE ANYWHERE AHEAD. I need time to prepare and I don't have it. I feel like I don't have it.

I have to make the most of right now to feel prepared. I suppose that means putting off non priority stuff right now.

I'm finding life in a higher gear difficult.

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