Dear Diary,

Something's eating at me lately.

Invited to an interview next week, interview yesterday, and an 'orientation session' for an interview tomorrow (not the actual interview).

I've been up to so much with not much energy that I feel I'm not ready for it all.

The idea of disability is making me think a bit about disadvantage. I realise how many disadvantages I have in my life, but also lots of advantages too. I had pretty good teachers for a state school and I was lucky to go to a decent uni. But...my worry is.

What if the bad stuff in my life outweighs all the good stuff.

All this stuff makes me want to purge.

I feel like I'm being mentally pulled apart and nobody can see it. I fucking hate how I need to keep pushing every ebb of my being to do better and do more, and I just am not giving as much as I could have.

I might take a few minutes right now to do some of my 'rituals' (update my [non pornographic] tumblr blog) and that might help me wind down from this anxiety/upset I'm feeling now.

Honestly, my feelings are this: I'm scared of failing in the upcoming civil service interview. I'm scared because I've not done enough reading.