Dear Diary,

yesterday I had the interview. I saw someone who was a friend of a friend from my uni days working at the *embassy*.

So at the interview, the woman from the panel sits with me at the waiting room and talks to me. It seemed that she was asking me personal questions about my CV before the official interview. Also, one of the panel were not available to attend so I was confused when the interview actually started without him.

Then came the question, which goes something like: oh, so you know these computer languages and you have a better university degree than me...so why are you applying for this job?

My response was: I think I can do the job and I'm attracted to a varied role.

I hate those questions. Afterwards was the computer simulation, but then, there was a computer lock because I was taking my time to read through the document and I was on my own for 20 minutes and I had to actually leave the room and ask people in the office for help. Then they directed me to an IT guy, who, after waiting for him to come back from lunch, helped me out, by getting the member of the panel to unlock the computer. That psyched me out a bit.

I felt quite miserable afterwards, so I had some comfort food of McDonalds, and then I had a minor breathing attack in central london. I went home and practiced both my piano and clarinet. That was a little bit healing. But now, I just want to move on.

I say that. I don't really feel like moving on. I feel just like doing nothing. I feel so scared of failing or doing something wrong or making something awkward that it feels like the instinctual thing to do is hide in my safety space oif my bedroom.

anyway. i'm going to get on with stuff now. got to stop feelign miserable about myself.