I try to fight my depression every day and I have maintained a pretty good standard compared to how things used to be about 8 months ago. I have been feeling this darkness recently. A sense of losing myself, or mourning deep down inside.
People from the past keep in contact with me quite a bit. Even since I stopped contact. The web that I had weaved had many threads, I chose to stop maintaining them, but the links still exist. It almost bothers me knowing that the links are already there, little chains, heads on a facebook page; reminders of the sociable person I was.
If I admit to myself that I am a shell of the person I am, that might sound like I feel quite depressed. I feel quite ambivalent about that statement. My resolve against the despair and accidie stays strong, but I do feel in a little way that I am caving in.
I feel an air in my chest, warm, heavy, moist. Like the same air in my lungs when I have tears. I ought to stop talking about this for now, as its feeding fuel to the fire.
My health is getting a bit better from my illness. Perhaps this day I shall attempt jogging. I hope that I fit into my new suit and look well inside it. I'm meeting up with school friends (and maybe Greg...) next week. I must avoid the latter and will reject the former if i must.
People from the past keep in contact with me quite a bit. Even since I stopped contact. The web that I had weaved had many threads, I chose to stop maintaining them, but the links still exist. It almost bothers me knowing that the links are already there, little chains, heads on a facebook page; reminders of the sociable person I was.
If I admit to myself that I am a shell of the person I am, that might sound like I feel quite depressed. I feel quite ambivalent about that statement. My resolve against the despair and accidie stays strong, but I do feel in a little way that I am caving in.
I feel an air in my chest, warm, heavy, moist. Like the same air in my lungs when I have tears. I ought to stop talking about this for now, as its feeding fuel to the fire.
My health is getting a bit better from my illness. Perhaps this day I shall attempt jogging. I hope that I fit into my new suit and look well inside it. I'm meeting up with school friends (and maybe Greg...) next week. I must avoid the latter and will reject the former if i must.
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