Dear Diary,
Woke up at 10am. Not the worst thing in the world. Not exactly ideal. It was nice and sunny outside. However still not bright enough to have optimism.
Since getting up I essentially went straight to work. By work, I mean doing those things which I have been putting off lately: namely, the act of looking for jobs. So I'm in the middle of that right now. I realise that it doesn't have to take as long as my brain thinks it should. Because it upsets me a lot, I have to just bite the bullet and get on with doing something I don't like.
I've been thinking about something lately, and that is bereavement. I've talked about how Eileen died in November, and its the everyday things which are making me sad. It's the moment when I'm walking home and I miss seeing her come out of the house and put some bottles in the recycling box. Or going to boots and seeing her along the way. Things like that. Eileen's widower is a man who is intolerable. But one can't help but feel sorry for him. That man lost his wife, and 2.5 years ago, his son. The past version of me could not have envisaged such an outcome.
The past me couldn't have envisaged my life would be so shit at 26. But I have to push on. I have to do my best. If nt for the dead, then for my life.
Something else has been troubling me lately as well. One of my colleagues had a bereavement, but not just any bereavement, her father and grandmother (paternal) died. I can't imagine how that feels. I can't imagine not just how she must feel to have lots them both, but at the same time. Apparently her employers were't so understanding so she quit her job. Part of me sort of wants to say how sorry I am and I'd do anything to cheer her up. But maybe that would let on too much or make her feel weird at the workplace. I'm just a work colleague, but I feel like we're friends. I'll think more about being nice to her.
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