Long few days

Woke up around 5am today, my dad was wretching and coughing in a way that almost sounded like he's dying. Really worries me. It also made me think of all the times in my childhood when I was worried sick from stuff my parents did. Maybe its what contributed to my anxiety now

I got up properly around 7:30 or so. Checked some blogs. I did some archiving. I looked at some potential courses, sent a course query. Did some blogging. Looked at some emails. Did some emailing. Thought about the next few moments: I'll be off to work in a moment. I've then got badminton after work, then I'm doing some spinning perhaps. I think a double session might be in order. I have limited time this week and therefore I'll need to pack in the training time.

Yesterday I did some intensive cardio. Well, it could have been more intensive. I did 10 mins on the treadmill, took a breather. Did 20 on the rowing. Took another breather. Then I did some weights, some ab exercises and to close I did a few more mins on the treadmill. I saw a video of myself recently and I didn't like how I looked. I think I'm going to focus on cardio for the next few weeks. I need to get that serious drip of salty sweaty out of me. I need to cut and cut and cut. No more bulking for now. Bulking is showing on my belly. I need to cut.

I'm tempted to leave the house early and head off to Subway for a nice bit of lunch.

Coming up later this week:

• Interview tomorrow (which I seemingly feel no interest in)
• Work until 1am tomorrow
• Work on Thursday
• Class on thursday?
• Rest day friday? Catch up on schema tasks
• Doing a mission/volunteer task on Saturday
• Gardening sunday?

Got the week all panned out. Was talking to someone at the planning meeting last night, I was telling them that I need to have a rethink about my commitments and how I spend my time. One of the guys then replied: well in a way, its better that you are in this position than not. I can agree with that. My life is suddenly full of things.

Last night I had some pretty bad terrors. Mia thinking in particular, triggering, upsetting me. All of that stuff in my inner world upsetting me. While in my outer world I seem to have plenty to get on with. I feel like I might get really tired later today. I have to be cautious of that.