Tuesday, October 11, 2011

all things strive to exist?

Dear Diary,

I seemingly did not finish the blog post that I intended to write last night. It doesn't matter. I feel incredibly anxious today. Something has backfired really badly and it has a few implications:


  • Someone will get into trouble for what i've done
  • I've messed up a friendship
  • I am not going to find a place to sleep over on the night before the funeral

I've had some back pain over the past couple of days now, it has immobilised me. I have lots to think about and no effort in me to deal with it. Today is the first day I've put the radiator on since its started to get cold again. That's slightly depressing. On the plus side, it does help me get out of bed when there is heat in the room. Comfort in the duvet is deceptively unproductive.

So, I must get on with the day. There's a bit to think about, priorities are:

  • Catch up with schedule/dont get behind
  • Confirm details about media company interview
  • Organise route to funeral later on this week (probably will involve taking a train on the day)

Non priority worries:

  • Should I go to badminton/training later today?
  • How can I fix the problem I made with the friend/will I get into serious trouble?
  • Can I keep motivated?


My head is in quite a daze right now. I need to push on somehow. I feel incredibly stupid, what I've done is incredibly stupid. I guess I have to carry on in some way.

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