Dear Diary,
It has been quite a qwhile since I last posted on here, probably because so much happened, and morebecause the program I use to blog keeps slowing my bloody computer. I organised a date last night, for tonight. I went on the date, and I held hands with her during the movie, then the date ended with a gentlemanly kiss.
Now at what point do I realise this is my life? The moment when I start accepting good things and accept that my life doesn't have to be shit all the time. The fair lady's hand was right next to me in the cinema, it started off with a little innocent brushing of flesh, and then i was brushing against her fingers more deliberately, then we held hands. I was thinking to myself: don't overthink this, just make it natural, this is your do or die moment, so I did. Although I was pointedly self conscious that I was holding a girl's hand during the film, I also tried to focus on the film. I just needed to let go and just be, not get all "ITSAGIRLITSAGIRLITSAGIRL I'MHOLDINGHERHANDOMGWTFLOL". I focussed on the film, we were touching, I was feeling slowly at ease with her physical presence and then we went outside. The conversations we had were a little stagnated and I could tell that she was very shy, being shy myself didn't help so I had to take a forceful initiative and try as much as I can to be a raconteur (I just looked up that word now).
So, on the way home I had this big emotional rush. I was smiling on a 40 minute tube ride home. I'm glad that I didn't get home so late, and I'm not so glad that I had takeaway twice today (shameful). Okay, so lets talk about other things this week:
So now I'm going to go to bed (without having orgasmed), listen to some podcasts and fall asleep. I am currently listening to CBC dispatches. I really enjoy that show because they have correspondents in all sorts of places. So I kissed a girl, and I seem to be confident and charming and (dare I say it) sexually attractive. I must not let it get to my head, and I must stay the person I am. However, with all these emotional changes, I'm not sure how that's possible. My dilemma is the dialectic between fast changing feelings and the steadfast but slow ritualistic nature I have. That's an interesting way to frame it, but now I want to frame this: I'm tired.
Good night.
p.s. I danced a little jig after I kissed her. I hope no one saw that. I'm still a shy guy.
It has been quite a qwhile since I last posted on here, probably because so much happened, and morebecause the program I use to blog keeps slowing my bloody computer. I organised a date last night, for tonight. I went on the date, and I held hands with her during the movie, then the date ended with a gentlemanly kiss.
Now at what point do I realise this is my life? The moment when I start accepting good things and accept that my life doesn't have to be shit all the time. The fair lady's hand was right next to me in the cinema, it started off with a little innocent brushing of flesh, and then i was brushing against her fingers more deliberately, then we held hands. I was thinking to myself: don't overthink this, just make it natural, this is your do or die moment, so I did. Although I was pointedly self conscious that I was holding a girl's hand during the film, I also tried to focus on the film. I just needed to let go and just be, not get all "ITSAGIRLITSAGIRLITSAGIRL I'MHOLDINGHERHANDOMGWTFLOL". I focussed on the film, we were touching, I was feeling slowly at ease with her physical presence and then we went outside. The conversations we had were a little stagnated and I could tell that she was very shy, being shy myself didn't help so I had to take a forceful initiative and try as much as I can to be a raconteur (I just looked up that word now).
So, on the way home I had this big emotional rush. I was smiling on a 40 minute tube ride home. I'm glad that I didn't get home so late, and I'm not so glad that I had takeaway twice today (shameful). Okay, so lets talk about other things this week:
- I got invited to an interview
- I sent off 4 applications this week, one job I would really like to have (research assistant)
- I met up with Dobby (an achievement in itself)
- I reached my 4 training session limit today
So now I'm going to go to bed (without having orgasmed), listen to some podcasts and fall asleep. I am currently listening to CBC dispatches. I really enjoy that show because they have correspondents in all sorts of places. So I kissed a girl, and I seem to be confident and charming and (dare I say it) sexually attractive. I must not let it get to my head, and I must stay the person I am. However, with all these emotional changes, I'm not sure how that's possible. My dilemma is the dialectic between fast changing feelings and the steadfast but slow ritualistic nature I have. That's an interesting way to frame it, but now I want to frame this: I'm tired.
Good night.
p.s. I danced a little jig after I kissed her. I hope no one saw that. I'm still a shy guy.
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