[caveat: I'm purposefully going to not talk about Marie anymore, I think that if I don't write about her on my blog of my most intimate thoughts, she will be out of my mind]
Things that I learned about myself:
1. I'm fat again
2. (1.) happened because I am greedy
3. I'm not 'hungry' for changing myself like I was when I used to purge
I'm going back to see my parents as there is a gig going on in a couple of days. I planned it many months ago. I'm not so keen on the gig but I have an excuse to go back home and to keep busy with something. I have reset my weight targets, and my starting weight begins not from 2007, but today. 212.8 lbs is my new starting weight and 175 is my new goal.
I must change.
I need to fundamentally change who and what I am. I spent 4 hours today wanking. Not acceptable
Things that I learned about myself:
1. I'm fat again
2. (1.) happened because I am greedy
3. I'm not 'hungry' for changing myself like I was when I used to purge
I'm going back to see my parents as there is a gig going on in a couple of days. I planned it many months ago. I'm not so keen on the gig but I have an excuse to go back home and to keep busy with something. I have reset my weight targets, and my starting weight begins not from 2007, but today. 212.8 lbs is my new starting weight and 175 is my new goal.
I must change.
I need to fundamentally change who and what I am. I spent 4 hours today wanking. Not acceptable
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