Hayley

here's something random that I think is noteworthy..

I'm going through my dad's address book as a favour to make it electronic...

I found the name of my brother's old girlfriend....I only met her once, and we went to see Batman Forever together, I was about 9 or so years old; my brother was a teen4.

I remember her as a fairly cute redhead...they didn't continue (presumably cos he's had multiple girlfriends afterwards)

I really cherish that memory...but mainly cos I really liked that film, Batman Forever; I mean, Val Kilmer was like the first batman since Michael Keaton...and I really wanted to have a Batmobile in the Christmas of 1994

I even went to ask santa in Debenhams...and he got me a batmobile that christmas!

I was so happy. I remember my parents have pics of me asking santa, I was wearing this red patchwork shirt, I don't know what the name of the kind of shirt is...lumberjack or something. It was very 'in' cos my brother wore a similar style, and when I was older (well, recently), i learned that such a shirt was sort of fashionable in the grunge age (I saw it on the Simpsons episode where they retcon that Homer had a Grunge band...)

I really liked that shirt; it encapsulated a great period of innocence for me (1995-6); I used to play with my mate every friday with our toys. We had lots of X-men toys and he didn't take care of his toys in the way I did. I got upset if I broke an arm or lost a weapon...but he seemed so blasee aobut it.

That shirt, I wore it all the time to remind me of the warmth and security and happiness of being in that period of life...eventually it grew too small and my mum gave it away to the charity (I always felt sad when mum gave away my clothes and toys...I felt a great sadness when I lost my toys and to imagine some other kids playing with them..it was to the point where they took something of mine and taking my memories away...and even if I got them back everything has been soured anyway because it has been 'baptised' to them now)

Also; I loved that batmobile, but eventually...it became a burden.

It was inconvenient a toy to have; it was so big, it couldn't carry many action figure sizes, and furthermore, it was only a single seater...my mates' last action hero Jack Slater car could carry like 4 people in the seats; and even more in the trunk.

It felt like a heavy burden: that I asked for it, I got it, and now, I don't really like it...I didn't want to ditch it cos of the whole thing I had about giving toys away to other kids; but it was like it would have been better if I never had it and just kept yearning.

You might be thinking, like Marie used to say "why are you telling me this?"

I'm telling you because:

i. I have a memory problem
ii. I may forget these memories
iii. I get memories of my past in spurts
iv. I remember so many mini details of the past that people note that I am able to recall
v I used to have a reputation back when I was "the legend" in college for my memory...but after my depression I feel like my memory capacity only comes sporadically...I only seem to remember academic things with precision

I wanted to have like a brain dump (as a friend in grad school calls it) of my thoughts and memories....

thanks for listening

Not bad from just looking at the word "Hayley", don't you think?

p.s.

I knew a girl at uni called Hayley; I always thought she was hot, but part of the rason I thought that was that she reminded me of my brother's girlfriend and how kind she was to me....weird and oedipal, I know... (okay; brain dump over [for now])