Sunday, July 20, 2008

Episodic lives

I guess I watch too much tv or something. I happened to come across an old friend from school. I then saw his name on google, and he is said to be on of the most eminent fellows from his college; awarded accordingly. Good for him, I say; he was a good old chap back in the day but we sure as hell gave him a hard time. I do wish him the best.

Anyway, I happened to see his name, it was on a newsletter for the college. I still (unfortunately) think that I am 16 or 17 years old; despite how much everything has changed, I still feel it emotionally difficult to cope with all the weirdness of adult life.

When I looked at this newsletter; it said how my friend from the past achieves through hard work and determination; how he has a real desire to achieve, and not just pass exams and get good grades for the sake of it, but in pursuit of the understanding of the subject matter.

Then, I looked at the rest of the newsletter; this guy sure did end up different to me. This guy is a lot more oriented to real life; I'm much more distant and abstract from it all. If an interest in the transcendent is a good way to describe me, then this guy is definately immanent His strengths are definately the things that I need to work on, and those things that many others do, too. He is quite the inspiration in some respects. I noticed of the rest of the newsletter that there were a lot more other storeis about people. For instance; a story about a girl who struggled after getting pregnant; difficult work placements, and coming out of long term unemployment.

I realised, all of the stories in this collegial newsletter were about people who, as if, within a single episode of life; are given a problem, adn their success is defined in perseverence through it. They make it into a difficult situation for whatever reasong, but it is through their inner strength and determination that they improve themselves and elevate above it.

My life could hardly be described in such a way; but then again, when some people look at it, it seems so strongly to be that way. To be set into a difficult hole, coming out, and improving; the display of arete through honing one's will.

I see it so far away from the truth for me.

How come I haven't made it? I may have display of perseverance in appearance...Marie once suggested something like how I have been through so much and my strenght is in how I still continue.... I have a lot to say about the thoughts that have come from reading this newsletter; But I want to end for the following reasons:

1. Thinking of Marie made me trigger and feel sad
2. Just now a car has started making loud engine noises (I don't think it was properly accelerating either) and it scares me and i feel anxious...

Im currently at home at my 'rents to see my newly appointed mother (my sister)

At some point I should tell you more about my new little nephew....but not feeling up to it now

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