square one

Dear Diary,

 

I think its fair to say I'm not doing too well. I'm reminded of the phrase 'how are you holding up?'. I'm holding up right now and that's about the most I can di with my energy right now. Im trying to catch up. Yesterday I felt a bit shit, and I went to see some friends as a way of making up for not getting much done. I also voted in the local and mayoral elections. There's so many things I've yet to do but I've not done it yet. In addition, It looks like I'm going to be occupied all weekend. I am going to the Camden Crawl for one day only this weekend, for the past couple of years it's been both days, I just can't afford it at the moment, in addition I'm off to a family thing tomorrow. I can't feign ignorance about it either.

I need new glasses, there's a scratch on the lens. That's a bit of a cunt. On wednesday I did an exceptionally long session at the gym. Lots of thoughts in my mind at the moment, none of them are good or healthy things. On the plus side, I am masturbating not as much. No wait, there was last night...

I'm going to try and spend as much of today at trying to finish as many of the tasks as I can. I think the fact that one of my cloud services was down this week put me off a bit and psychologically messed me up. There's an extent to which I feel like I'm at a 'square one', which reminds me of a time I was with the psychiatrist all those years ago and he said after one treatment didn't work 'so we're back to square one'. I'm so fucking angry at that expression. But it accurately captures my feeling. I hate how things aren't working in my life. WHY CAN'T I FUCKING GET A BREAK