Monday, February 9, 2009

Green

I am currently just in front of the computer in a darkly lit room. Antonia came over to stay for the weekend, she's tired and sleeping right now behind me.

Two of the people whom I went to graduate school with have websites, one of them is part of this pretigious AHRC interdisciplinary project which is very eminent and very hot. Another is in a pretty pretigious (and funded) phd studentship.

I'm envious to no end. I have a lot of negative feelings welling inside me right now. Is this the end to what was a lovely weekend?

The proof is in the pudding. How do I react to this news?

I'm very jealous, I could be bitter and angry at myself, or I could savour the tender moment with Antonia (snoring behind me) and face an open future.

I'm scared.

I'm so close to losing my dream, a fate as bad as death itself?

good night. I'm going to decide how to react now.

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