Yesterday, Today, and tomorrow

Dear Diary,

It's 13:55 and I just got out of bed. I've been laying in bed looking at bbc news feeling exhausted. I may be tired because I slept late, but I only actually slept for a few hours. I may be tired because I had a double whiskey on the rocks last night, after choir, on my own. That sounds pretty desperate in a way, although I am trying to be a whiskey connoseur. I may be tired because I have been fatigued lately on account of all my gym activity. Despite taking a rest day on saturday, I couldn't lift very much on Sunday. Or I could be depressed, also possible. Maybe all of the above are true. It doesn't matter, I'm awake now. Choir was sort of fun, my anxiety got the better of me at points.

So today, I'm hoping to hear back from the job interview. I need to emotionally prepare myself that I didn't get it. It's always the way, and I will feel disappointed and its a cycle that happens all the time. I'm almost hoping that I did get it, that's why I'm guarding myself. I've had so much disappointment in my life after the PhD rejection, it hurt me deep inside in a way I'm too ashamed to admit to people. The talk of a lost generation is correct, the scars of having to apply for jobs all the time with no luck and works like 'we will not be taking this any further' or 'thank you for applying, however/unfortunately....'.

Then of course, there is tomorrow. I asked myself just now for half a second: what's going on tomorrow? The unifying theme of this post is 'yesterday, today and tomorrow'. Yesterday was a choir rehearsal and some errands for mum. Today is, well...I'll work that out. Tomorrow is ...what? Some metaphor for what my future holds that I am unaware of? Some uncertain boundary that is both determined and undetermined? Boundless yet fixed? or, oh wait - valentine's day. The thing that I find awkward is if anyone brings it up in front of me asking me. I remember my first and only valentine's day. I got a card and I was made to feel very special. The onyl things on my mind right now are potatoes, and what I'm going to do today. Potatoes, because my mum made some really nice ones yesterday and I'm hungry.

So, that's yesterday, today and tomorrow as a unifying theme, and, it seems, potatoes. Man I'm a glutton.