the rejection letter that offered me an interview

Captain's log, Supplemental:

In addition to the two jobs I applied to on this day where I feel very sick. I fell asleep for what must have been 2-4 hours. Watching House M.D. is a great way to indulge self-pity. I want to add some achievements to today:

• I have opted to go for more extra shifts, whether I get them is another issue.
• I may have mentioned that I got an email earlier today, I just saw the first line of it and barely glancing at it told me that it was the same letter I get every so often

Dear Mr. Conatus,

Thank you for your recieved application for the position of Admin wanker/assistant wanker/executive wage slave. We regret to inform you that on this occaison you were not chosen for the shortlist as a more suitable candidate was chosen.

I saw this briefly, I word skimmed for 'Unfortunately' or 'Regrettably', or a variant of that. There happened to be another paragraph after that and I just ignored it because I felt they dissected my application saying where my flaws are (I hate reading those kinds of emails, because the information is so important that you need to read it, but it also is upsetting). In an unrelated action later on in the day, I happened to look at the email. I then noticed something very unusual, the email said that i've been turned down for the post, but the subject heading I then realised wasn't the job role. They are offering me an interview for another entry level role.

The role is in politics, it involves a bit of travel, and I'll deal with VIPs. It also involves research, it is a think-tank type organisation, they work with politicians, and its not technically public sector. This is a very nice oppurtunity. When asked: do you want an interview? my answer is always: YES, then I think about it, and then I say: YES! My second thought was then about the guys who are asking me in a part time media role. I don't think they are going to pay, and furthermore, I don't think they are going to offer me a proper job. I'm happy to help out with them, but if I get a role that sounds as good as the one I've just been offered, I'm going to be a bastard and join the train to Westminster.

I've survived today, physical discomfort has been constant. Perhaps I may survive better times tomorrow. I think I'm going to do something incredibly awkward and do the thing that's been on my mind all day: anxiety and fear has brought me to avoid it. It's best not to avoid the demons.

Signing off