Saturday, May 22, 2010

Very hot weather :)

The weather outside is really hot.

It makes for very tough jogging conditions, sweaty and hard to breathe. I went out and did 2.2 miles in about 35 minutes, that meant my jogging speed was 4.1 mph average. I pushed myself a bit more and it took a toll on my heart a little. I think that little push helped for my cardio and respiration though. Those factors are great towards the assistance of fat burning. I dedicated about under an hour and I'm very proud of pushing my bounds, even though in terms of the calorie usage it could have been better.

Once I got home, I was genuinely exhausted and I stripped naked in my room and just sweatily panted while laying on my bed, turning to find the cold threads of cotton comfort me. Once I got some strength back I then took to some more waxing (it's a minor obsession to wax my hairy body, but its also anticipation for my new body. I'm glad that I'm out of REED now I have time for myself to jog and hunt for jobs more intensely. I say that but I havent' applied to one job snice I left. I haven't wasted my time today however. I had a warmdown and watched some episodes of X men. After warmdown I then took to a shower and I enjoyed the refreshing clean that I felt. I put on some fancy clothes and I realised that my clothing scheme has changed quite a bit in recent months. I'm wearing non-denim casual trousers from gap, and a nice shirt from Primark that has these buttons on the sleeves that make you roll them up with great ease. In addition, I have also a nice 'grandad' ribbed undershirt. It is nice for opening up to show your chest. If I wasn't so fat I would be absolutely gorgeous,

In fact, I am a little gorgeous. So I'm going to spend mroe time on my appearance and looking good. And more time on focussing on avoiding eating, or eating less rather. I kind of miss having an eating disorder. I miss that feeling that I'm special.

Mia was bothering me this morning, she was trying to keep me in bed, with her mind games. I eventually deveated those thoughts and got out of bed to eventually jog. I had a nice couple of bagels for breakfast.

I feel that my eating habits are linked to my sense of control. I really 'let go' of my weight once I start comforting and stop counting calories. I'll try to be more restrictive.

After the shower, I then practiced piano for a good 40 minutes or so. I rarely get to practice these days so it was nice to keep up on my technique. I find that when I played the piano back in the day, the 'gains' came only after lots and lots of effort. The same goes for when I was in grad school. After hundreds of hours of toil I got to see any form of 'progress'. Normal people's lives are not so challenging and heavy. I am learning that as I learn to be 'normal. For me 'normality' is the option I have to defeat my depressive tendencies. Am I losing my brilliance? I don't know.

But I have to keep busy.

I'm feeling quite lonely lately. I want an excuse to go out and enjoy the weather, maybe a pub lunch with mates; shopping; a date; anything.

I however, am burdened with a full schedule and a GCal Block. I've not had one of those in a few days.That's the price of taking time off and attending to one's self.

I'm a ltitle hungry. I really love those crisps from M&S.

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