I had a trigger last night. My ex girlfriend upset me from afar again. I noticed last night that she had a terribly gorgeous new profile pic that was both sexual and tittilating. She had a nipple showing and she was basically naked.
I saw the body that I used to know intimately, every curve, scent and taste, from her bumhole to her toes to her sweaty forehead. I wanked, I came, I cried inside. This morning I was in the grasp of a depressive moment. Almost despairing. But one thought tore me away from those jaws of despair. Me.
I Got out of bed. The current time is 6:48. I've already shaved, brushed my teeth and tidied my bed. I have that feeling of upset on the throes of despair. But I've talked myself out of bed. I've realised all the potential that today may bring. I thought to myself: you can spend the day going in circles in your head in thoughts about Antonia and the life that you lost. Or you can jog.
Suddenly the music from Rocky IV came into my head, you know; the training montage. It's nice and early, I'm gonna put on my gym kit and do some training. I'm going to come home to a medium-low heat shower and start my day with job hunting and other such productive activities.
I looked in the mirror today. Do you know what I saw?
I saw a gorgeous and young boy. He had a little bit of darkness in him, but there was a little bit of potential. I can be where I want to be. I can be the person I want to be. I have to go through this though.I have to go through these feelings right now in order to get to that distant person I want to be. 'He' needs it to be who he is, and I need this to be who I'm going to be.
He's coming, I'm going to make it happen. In the depths of despair I regain my breath. I stand at despair and shout back. I'm coming back. I'm going to be me again. But first I must do this...whether it's jogging, job hunting, reading, pushing myself.
Let's get on with this motherfucking day. And let's make it a good one.
ONWARDS!
I saw the body that I used to know intimately, every curve, scent and taste, from her bumhole to her toes to her sweaty forehead. I wanked, I came, I cried inside. This morning I was in the grasp of a depressive moment. Almost despairing. But one thought tore me away from those jaws of despair. Me.
I Got out of bed. The current time is 6:48. I've already shaved, brushed my teeth and tidied my bed. I have that feeling of upset on the throes of despair. But I've talked myself out of bed. I've realised all the potential that today may bring. I thought to myself: you can spend the day going in circles in your head in thoughts about Antonia and the life that you lost. Or you can jog.
Suddenly the music from Rocky IV came into my head, you know; the training montage. It's nice and early, I'm gonna put on my gym kit and do some training. I'm going to come home to a medium-low heat shower and start my day with job hunting and other such productive activities.
I looked in the mirror today. Do you know what I saw?
I saw a gorgeous and young boy. He had a little bit of darkness in him, but there was a little bit of potential. I can be where I want to be. I can be the person I want to be. I have to go through this though.I have to go through these feelings right now in order to get to that distant person I want to be. 'He' needs it to be who he is, and I need this to be who I'm going to be.
He's coming, I'm going to make it happen. In the depths of despair I regain my breath. I stand at despair and shout back. I'm coming back. I'm going to be me again. But first I must do this...whether it's jogging, job hunting, reading, pushing myself.
Let's get on with this motherfucking day. And let's make it a good one.
ONWARDS!
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