I'm reading through my book review book and it has been thought provoking in a variety of ways. Not least thinking about Nietzsche. I am reminded of something Laura said to me once. Laura said that there are lots of bad memories sure, but we can make new memories. I was thinking about this beccause perhaps there's another way of looking at the past. Maybe we can revise our beliefs about the past. See such beliefs in a context of other things going on.

 

In that way perhaps its not so dire. In that way its perhaps not so shit.

 

I'm thinking about Adora, the girl I broke up with. I feel like such a cunt right now. I feel sorry for her, Adora had two disabled parents and I realised how she held everything up in her family. I also realise how I loved her. I never told her, there was no need. It still would need to end.

 

Had a fight with dad earlier. It's coloured my sensibilities right now. It lingers like a bad sore. I hate what he is making me. I hate what this situation is making me. I'm trying my best to oppose it, but the stupour, the air around me brings me down. I just want to escape.