Monday, July 18, 2011

Better to be a good Federer than a sore loser...

Two weeks, two interviews, no job offer.

I was really hoping that I'd get somewhere. I'd be lying if I said I was not expecting disappointment, but I did hope. To hope is to be beyond the odds of evidence or probability, but hoping can also account for those things in some instances. I sabotaged my interview somehow. I failed to show the employers that I was worthwhile. I feel really angry. I was just about to get ready for the gym before I got the rejection email. I feel like now I dont want to do anything. Today I've applied for a job, I've done *some* job searching, I've also set some radio listening/tv watching over the next 2 months, as prom season has begun. I really love the bbc proms.

I'm really disappointed. You can look at the world in an optimistic light: you can say that things are going to be alright and work out somehow, or they just don't. Things aren't working. It doesn't matter how much weight I lose or how observant I am to a diet. I fucked up.

I have an admission to make since we are on the topic of talking about irrelevant things. I went to burger king last week. After the interview I went to get my watch repaired, they said that it would take 20 or so minutes so to burn time, I went to burger king. I asked for a king deal consisting of a bacon double cheesburger, regular fries and a regular coke. I didn't ask for large, I didn't ask for sauce, and I didn't get the main meal, it was a slightly cheaper deal than the regular meals. I remember back in the day when a full meal would be under £4 but now a full meal would be nearer >£7. Everything is getting more expensive and I'm getting poorer.

I should go to the gym. It might be a distraction. It might be a way to cope with my pain and disappointment. I'm terribly disappointed in myself, I'm upset that I didn't get the job. I'm upset that I didn't give a good enough impression. I'm upset that the world doesn't want me around. Mia says things which could be so terribly tempting right now. Persistence, they say, is about persevering and pushing forward in times like this. My 18 year old self would believe in such idealism. Keep fighting, even if you think you are losing. I should be a good Federer (you know, runner up of this year's wimbledon?) instead of a sore loser.

I dont feel like doing anything, but I know what I have to do, I end this blog post, put my socks on, pull them up, and then go to the gym (after a few intermediate steps). It's all about the intermediate steps, and then, the immediate steps.

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