Before making my actual post subject I think to myself; given that this blog is entirely about myself, I decide what I want to talk about. In a way, I can focus on many sorts of things, and the very fact that it constituted a post tells us that it is an important issue to me. I could be completely different and talk about something in the day that may need to be talked about, but I don't, or I make the decision to be different and surprise myself, not to be the moaning Michael (to paraphrase Graham Norton's character on Father Ted) all the time.
Alas, here is my thought for today: I have been meaning to write down some resolutions, okay, so maybe its not New Years Eve, or New Years day, but I haven't 'officially' stated them. Okay then, with that, I shall consider my resolutions.
1. Lose weight: I've had bad coments about my recent shape, as such, I shall resolve to diet more, be more conscious about what I eat, and find some way to excercise more. I'm not quite sure how to do this, as my gym pass has expired (another fact that painfully points to my PhD failure)
2. Get into a PhD: this is a very specific, and very scary project. Will I actually get into a PhD, for instance? I do very much hope so, on the other hand, I am scared, still sore from the application failure to my first application.
3. Sort out financial situation: Presently, I live on handouts from my parents, in a rented flat that perhaps I should never have gotten into. I earn no money, I've never had a job and I have no job experience. I will need to be able to put myself into a position of being independent, and one important respect wherewhich I can do this is in terms of money, namely, earning, and having money.
4. Sort out a job/job experience: This is a following point from the former issue. If I am going to be financially stable I suppose the most likely way that will happen is to get a job. I am afraid that the whole job-reasoning will undermine my intention to get a PhD. Is this a rational fear? I'm not sure. Getting into a job, or some position of financial stability will establish independence.
5. Survive through awkwardness: I have the following awkward issues:
a. Telling my Landlord that I may need to move out/will not renew contract
b. Facing my housemates and informing them that I didn't get into the PhD
c. Facing my supervisors/referees to ask them for another letter of reference, in spite of the fact that they both don't think that I am a strong candidate and that they rejected my PhD application (or, the university did anyway)
d. Telling my parents that Antonia has a daughter, and that I am going out with her
As I am writing this post, I am feeling a small sense of ease, that I have officially stated these things.
Let me think of some other things:
6. Personality: I must improve who I am as a person, which is really encapsulated in all of the above. I think some things can be worked on
a. Avoid purging mentality
b. Avoid being rude and angry
c. Avoid hatred and revenge mentality
d. Be more confident
e. Be more assertive
f. Be more respectful
g. Be more humble, I need to put myself down a bit in order to build myself up: I am in no position to be proud or have a superiority complex: I have no money, got rejected from a PhD, and I guess that makes me a failure.
h. Be determined: this is an important one, being determined means to avoid that feeling of hopelessness and accidie. Being determined means having a plan, following it, and avoiding procrastinating. Being determined means to keep going. I guess that is really the important resolution.
Keep moving...
Im going to make that my daily affirmation
Alas, here is my thought for today: I have been meaning to write down some resolutions, okay, so maybe its not New Years Eve, or New Years day, but I haven't 'officially' stated them. Okay then, with that, I shall consider my resolutions.
1. Lose weight: I've had bad coments about my recent shape, as such, I shall resolve to diet more, be more conscious about what I eat, and find some way to excercise more. I'm not quite sure how to do this, as my gym pass has expired (another fact that painfully points to my PhD failure)
2. Get into a PhD: this is a very specific, and very scary project. Will I actually get into a PhD, for instance? I do very much hope so, on the other hand, I am scared, still sore from the application failure to my first application.
3. Sort out financial situation: Presently, I live on handouts from my parents, in a rented flat that perhaps I should never have gotten into. I earn no money, I've never had a job and I have no job experience. I will need to be able to put myself into a position of being independent, and one important respect wherewhich I can do this is in terms of money, namely, earning, and having money.
4. Sort out a job/job experience: This is a following point from the former issue. If I am going to be financially stable I suppose the most likely way that will happen is to get a job. I am afraid that the whole job-reasoning will undermine my intention to get a PhD. Is this a rational fear? I'm not sure. Getting into a job, or some position of financial stability will establish independence.
5. Survive through awkwardness: I have the following awkward issues:
a. Telling my Landlord that I may need to move out/will not renew contract
b. Facing my housemates and informing them that I didn't get into the PhD
c. Facing my supervisors/referees to ask them for another letter of reference, in spite of the fact that they both don't think that I am a strong candidate and that they rejected my PhD application (or, the university did anyway)
d. Telling my parents that Antonia has a daughter, and that I am going out with her
As I am writing this post, I am feeling a small sense of ease, that I have officially stated these things.
Let me think of some other things:
6. Personality: I must improve who I am as a person, which is really encapsulated in all of the above. I think some things can be worked on
a. Avoid purging mentality
b. Avoid being rude and angry
c. Avoid hatred and revenge mentality
d. Be more confident
e. Be more assertive
f. Be more respectful
g. Be more humble, I need to put myself down a bit in order to build myself up: I am in no position to be proud or have a superiority complex: I have no money, got rejected from a PhD, and I guess that makes me a failure.
h. Be determined: this is an important one, being determined means to avoid that feeling of hopelessness and accidie. Being determined means having a plan, following it, and avoiding procrastinating. Being determined means to keep going. I guess that is really the important resolution.
Keep moving...
Im going to make that my daily affirmation
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