Saturday, May 31, 2008

A taxonomy of triggers

This is my first attempt to give a taxonomy of triggers:

Some triggers make me angry, conversely, anger makes me trigger

Some triggers make me feel inadequate

Some triggers make me feel outdated

Some triggers make me feel lonely

Some triggers make me feel out of breath in such a way that only a good purging can repair, I purge and purge and hope for the relief to come. As I see the two or three litres of liquid repelled from my body, I feel a slight relief. "You are going to make it", I feel. "You just need to keep going forward", I think to myself. "You have made a good step forward [referring to the purging, because purging --> weight loss --> attractive --> people think different of me --> feel better about myself], now lets make another".

Am I suffering? Is this kind of living what people call suffering? In some way I have gotten so used to a degree of suffering that I can manage; some things I can't manage are that the world is a certain way.

A lot of what I feel seems to be based on the way the world is. The way the world is, and why I don't like it...is my next post

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