Monday, May 26, 2008

"Emo"

As well as Greg, there is also a guy, David, who I lived with in my second undergraduate year. I shall have more to say about him later.

David is a guy I met in first year, we met off the internet from a uni website. He was on my course, we are now in grad school. We do go back, and we could have been best friends. When I had almost no friends, he was there. When I was failing, I always knew he was there to listen to, and talk to me about his activities, his hates, and his constant ranting about the cheap discount cheese he found in Somerfield.

My counsellor said that David, and Greg only wanted to be with me because the relationship dynamic was such that they felt good about being around someone who was doing worse off than them. I was their 'fall guy'; their guy who fucked up his life and they could be around to feel better about themselves. I was the one, in second year, who was constantly distressed (still am, for that regard), whom which they could depend on, not for emotional support, but they dpeended on the fact that they could be consoled by how my life could have been great, but I failed.

But I got out of that rut. I got out of it and now things are improving. I am also (slowly) getting rid of their effect on my life.

One thing that really gets me angry is how David says things are "Emo"; for him, Emo means homosexual, Emo means effeminate, Emo means emotional, Emo means all the things a man shouldn't be (tacitly asserted); Emo means unacceptable. Emo ascriptions include:

"Your msn picture is so emo/gay"
"His glasses are so emo"
"your jacket is so emo"
"you hair is so emo, get it cut you fuck"
"your blog post (of my other blog) was so emo"
"your shirt is so emo"
"that guy looks so emo"
"that is such an emo thing to say"

Being so out of social contact in my first year with people my own age, or people in general; I didn't know what an emo is; as a matter of clarity, I still don't. But I had no idea of the word, or its extension, until David told me:

"Emo is like a modern goth, but gay"

That's not really how i now understand emo; I understand emo by bad music, a semi-individualist ideology (similar to Goth), and a generic 'alternative' (as genre) rock style. Emo is a thing I don't want to address, cos I don't understand it, but the point of what I want to say is, for David, calling things emo was obvious disapproval; and he called me emo a lot...

I don't think I count as emo, anyway, its hard to say I am goth by a long shot as well. Although my family thinks I am a Rocker...which there are so many things wrong with that statement....but that's another peeve.

I said this would be a positive post. And the postive is...I don't want to associate with David anymore. I want not to hang around him. I want to move on with my life. This means I will have to leave him behind...with my past. This makes me slightly sad, he wasn't all bad. But for now, he's bad for me.

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