Saturday, May 3, 2008

My shoulder combover

Before mia came to town, I used to like my shoulders. My shoulders are, or were, quite broad, make me look like a muscle man, if I just hid enough of my belly. I was quite wide, but not in the obvious fat way. I was in a position where I was fat, but I could just about hide it. Or at least...that's what I thought. I thought that I could hide my being fat by emphasising the shoulders. So, I'd make that my combover.

I think sometimes my 'positives' are really quite deceptive, just lies to make myself feel better than I deserve to. Face it, I was fat then. My shoulders were large, but so was the rest of me. I had a fear of whether I might lose my big shoulders, but on the other hand, that might have been a false positive that I wanted to just hold on to to stop my new belief and ritual purging to occur.

I see my own faults represented in other people, just not so often, do I realise their faults are my own...

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