I've just been doing some reading right now,I get an e-mail from Facebook. It tells me that David has doubt the photo of me, I assumed immediately, that it wasn't me. I have not talk room for a while and purposely avoiding him. Perhaps he may be facebook-stalking me, it's quite a common phenomena, but I find it exceptionally annoying. It upsets me what he did. Yesterday I wrote a post about him and a description of me that he ascribes. It was a picture of a very upsetting thing to me. Basically, it was insinuating that I was a 90s goth.
It hurt my feelings, I de-tagged it immediately. I found this to be quite immature. I find that to be an expression of disapproval. disapproval upsets me, I dislike what he is doing to me. When he disapproves the work that I do, I find it an expression that he doesn't approve of my efforts to I have spent much time towards.
What I found even worse, the picture was insulting, the picture had a person with a knife to their wrists. Insinuations about self harm, linked to me, are hugely hugely upsetting, I find his behaviour, almost like bullying, I guess grown-ups get bullied too.
Why is he doing this to me? I guess because he has not seen me around, and it is relevant in some way, but that doesn't in itself constitute a reason. I don't like him, like his jibes at me, why does he always want to take away my confidence?
This is the second trigger today. I haven't purged today, but I have had triggers. does it entertain him that I'm upset?
Why is he so resentful?
I feel both desiring the food and yet desiring of purging. I was doing some good work today, but now was his trigger and i'm going to.
What hurts me the most is that his disapproval is tacit
Today at counselling, I was expressing that I wanted to break awway from the past and move on with my life; and that I am made to feel bad that things are changing by people like David. Because they do not move on with me? Because I now have female attention, because I get compliments and conference papers?
Let me tell you, even though things are improving; my self esteem doesn't necessarily go up accordingly. I still need to be assured objectively that things are improving. I am upset, he used to be a good friend; but he was never supportive; he just criticises me and criticises me. Not even in the constructive way.
I hate him...
I'm going to cry...I want so much to purge, but I'm also very hungry.
P.S. I hate the taste of ricecakes, I hate it.
It hurt my feelings, I de-tagged it immediately. I found this to be quite immature. I find that to be an expression of disapproval. disapproval upsets me, I dislike what he is doing to me. When he disapproves the work that I do, I find it an expression that he doesn't approve of my efforts to I have spent much time towards.
What I found even worse, the picture was insulting, the picture had a person with a knife to their wrists. Insinuations about self harm, linked to me, are hugely hugely upsetting, I find his behaviour, almost like bullying, I guess grown-ups get bullied too.
Why is he doing this to me? I guess because he has not seen me around, and it is relevant in some way, but that doesn't in itself constitute a reason. I don't like him, like his jibes at me, why does he always want to take away my confidence?
This is the second trigger today. I haven't purged today, but I have had triggers. does it entertain him that I'm upset?
Why is he so resentful?
I feel both desiring the food and yet desiring of purging. I was doing some good work today, but now was his trigger and i'm going to.
What hurts me the most is that his disapproval is tacit
Today at counselling, I was expressing that I wanted to break awway from the past and move on with my life; and that I am made to feel bad that things are changing by people like David. Because they do not move on with me? Because I now have female attention, because I get compliments and conference papers?
Let me tell you, even though things are improving; my self esteem doesn't necessarily go up accordingly. I still need to be assured objectively that things are improving. I am upset, he used to be a good friend; but he was never supportive; he just criticises me and criticises me. Not even in the constructive way.
I hate him...
I'm going to cry...I want so much to purge, but I'm also very hungry.
P.S. I hate the taste of ricecakes, I hate it.
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