stuff in my head (overflowing from last weekend)

Dear Diary,

I hate feeling self conscious about faux pas stuff.

It's been on my mind lately.

I wish I could let some shit go from my mind.

I'm starting CBT, but not this week.

I dont' think I've talked about it on here.

It makes me feel kind of vulnerable. I'm talking to a guy on fetlife about it, he's gone through it. He says that in order to get over difficult stuff, you have to feel a bit worse to talk about difficult stuff in order to get over it, or find a way of getting over it

There are things that are daunting in my mind. The whole PhD thing. Anxiety. Hopelessness about my job situation.It's all wearing pretty heavily on me.

Got stuff to do today. More than enough. If I just focussed, grafted, went on. Maybe I'll pull through. Got a couple of shifts at work this week, then going to do some music shit.

If I were doing some affirmations I will say:

• This week I'm going to do some music shit
• This week I'm going to apply to some jobs
• This week I'm going to the gym
• This week I'm doing some blogging
• This week I'm going to persevere
• This week will be different

I know someone on facebook who is always on about positive psychology and mindset type things. But to be honest it sounds like she's saying it because she knows her life is dire. It feels like delusion or desparation. I pity her.

Oh another thing. My ex invited me to her wedding.

When I was travelling on the train this week, Mia was there sitting next to me, talking. I just accepted that. Just accept that Mia is present in my mind. I'm really hungry

I gorged a lot today. I was around a lot of people yesterday, and I was a bit apprehensive about eating in front of them. However what I did do was gorge on the way home. It was such pleasure to eat. I don't think that I have eating issues like before. I did drink myself silly on Saturday night - well not silly, just a double scotch, neat. I feel like over 24 hours later my hangover has come. This is the longest wait for a hangover. Scotch is weird

Many things to do. I'm feeling really weak today. Just got to get on.

Just got to move onwards