For now, it's just job searching and trying to fix it all.

Dear Diary,

 

I'm having a bit of a difficult day. Stuff is weighing heavy on me and it's getting to me. The fact that I'm mid 20s and not in any discernable career (having my name on publications notwithstanding); the beer belly I have that always looks bigger when I'm sad; the fact that I've not done the gym in a while; the feeling that I'm behind on everything; my shitty bank balance; not being able to afford the things that I really need; not being able to help people in the way that I really should; and just a general sense of not being where I should be in life, is getting to me.

I can say a few positives: I have cleared up my Greader backlog (well most of it); I've cleared up a little bit of the GCal block (but I think I'll be carrying it on when I get back from badminton); I applied to two jobs yesterday. I'm going to do  a double gym session I think. I'll get some cardio done while reading my book review book. I'm feeling quite shit today. I'm going to have to just pull through. Lots of people have it worse off than me. I have had some bad insomnia lately. I will need to tire myself out to start sleeping properly.

I'm feeling horrible today. I'm thinking dark things that I probably shouldn't indulge as thoughts. Separating those feelings and thoughts from who I am ...is how I can try and overcome this.

when there are no precedents to appeal to, or some old wisdom like pithy sayings or religious insights, I just have to pull through without anything. I'll make the insights once I get to them. For now, it's just job searching and trying to fix it all.