Dwelling is a luxury I should give up, in exchange for more stuff done during the day. (listening to frank zappa)

Dear Diary,

 

I've not posted much lately. I think if I'm honest, I'm not going to post here as often anymore. I'm just too busy and emotional processing isnt' high on my list of priorities at this time in my life. This isn't goodbye, hell no! But this may mean I post like once a week or maybe less perhaps. I'm not going to be as regular is what i'm trying to say.

 

Talking of being regular, I've felt pretty ill today, physically and mentally. I went to see a Major Comedian last night. I shouldn't say who, but lets say he appears on panel shows on BBC television. So that's 2 new situations, I think I've met my quota for the month. I did pilates today, badminton on tuesday and weights on monday. That's another quota for the week. I'm set for a GP appointment later today (friday), after a couple of aborted things going on on Thursday. I was supposed to be at work, but my event was cancelled. In addition, I was really ticked off mainly the fact that I got into work at fucking rush hour surrounded by these women who were sweaty and attractive, but mostly their handbag was rubbing against my ...handbag. I must admit that was deeply uncomfrotable (sic?) and the tube on rush hour really fucks with my anxiety, to say the least.

 

So I got quite upset thursday and so I was low functioning. Wednesday is a similar story. I'm spending too much money. Not earning enough. I'm not doing well. Maybe I'll talk about the positives:

 

1. Going to see avengers later this week
2. 3 fitness sessions woo
3. finished book for book review
4. started new books
5. managed to practice piano twice
6. went to planning meeting for community garden, got involved, gave advice.

It does sound like I got a lot done this week, but I've had a lot of emotional challenges and things have made me quite depressed for small periods of time. I started talking to mia again. Its difficult to close that bloody floodgate again. Not purging, yet.

Time to go to bed. Would you believe that I'm actually tired. Didn't feel 100% to do pilates today, however it did help with my mood. Exercise is good for the soul. Wish I learned that earlier. I'm re-living a lot of memories of the past in my head. I'm recontextualising the years when I went to uni (but not my masters - well not as much as before). Recontextualising first year mostly. I think it's time for me to make new context on those memories, or maybe i am dwelling too much.

I've got shitloads to do. Dwelling is a luxury I should give up, in exchange for more stuff done during the day.