Dear Diary,

Every week I try to write what I call an EDC loadout. Basically I am really into everyday carry, which is a term I've come across on the internet from preppers. Preppers (for someone reading this in the future) are a movement of people who believe some world ending event may happen or natural disaster is on the horizon, and they create contingencies for such natural disasters. They do things like think about what items would last in extreme situations while not carrying too much, and they also do things like think about how to get clean water and access to food source.

Anyway, I use a spreadsheet to write down what I wear in conjunction with the weather at the time.

I have had all through my adult life (and probably before), a problem with misjudging clothes and their approrpriateness to the situation: sometimes I dress too smartly; sometimes I dress not for cold or wet weather. Sometimes I overdress in the summer.

For this reason, I try to keep a track on what works and what doesnt. I also remind myself about what doesn't work, so that I do not repeat mistakes.

It's getting down to minus 1 degrees lately. Tomorrow I am going to a speaking event at work (panel discussion).

Something is really upsetting me at work. Something that I can do to make a difference in the world and help people with. Something is eating at me.

For the past couple of days, I have gone straight to bed as soon as I finished work. I then have ended up waking up around midnight (give or take an hour) and feeling full of energy. I use the time to work on my records or do the housework I forgot to do, or (in the case of tonight) using a speech to text app to read a really long article on Kant's moral psychology.

Oh. I should also say, I miscalculated my pay rises. I have a pay rise as of January. I officially earn just under 31k. Come April, I'll be earning just over 32k.

I am reading lately about the role of gratitude in psychology. I read this week that for every single negative thought, I should think of 5 positive thoughts. I have recently gotten an app that logs things I feel gratitude for. I feel that gratitude is important. It is not a good thing to dwell on the bad things as they outweigh the good. It is not the case that I should deny the bad things. It is more the case that I must see these things in a balanced context, a sober context. Sobriety is important to me.

If I were to think of 5 things I have gratitude for, these would be:

• I love my John Lewis shearling jacket
• I love the regular northern line tube service
• I love that I can finish work early if I need it
• I appreciate my supportive and kind colleagues
• I love that I live in an area that has great kebabs and pretty decent fish and chips
• I love my mum and dad
• I have kind friends
• I work in a special place.
• I am special and I am capable of changing things in my workplace
• I haven't had a heart attack just yet