Gavin

On New years day, we have a tradition: a toned down and quiet get together.

My mate invited a friend from school there. I saw him in late 2017 (just over a year ago at that point). At the time, he was working as a visual effects artist at a studio, he was a 'junior' with aspirations to be a senior. This was after working for ages as a runner.

Then, he tells me, he's working as a runner again, with aspirations for being a different kind of visual effects artist, because the algorithms for Python have gotten more complicated than he's capable of adapting to.

This guy was really broken. It's not just me saying that, it's his own admission. Gavin has his triggers, he tells us, he experiences anxiety and depression. Isn't it interesting how people say those words and do not communicate its heaviness, I carry my own meanings to those words, but when they say it, it is blank to me, because I don't know what their demons are.

Apparently he was 'in therapy' for a few weeks, and his brohter has become estranged from the family; his brother was engaged to a girl who committed suicide and had married another girl. It sounds like there is some animousity between all parties.

Gavin has his demons, I knew that he didn't do so well after work. I heard that he sued his college (or he said he did). Gavin says a lot of things and he bigs himself up a lot, but he hasn't done too much and I 

When I reflect on my past, Gavin is a part of it. Gavin reminds me that I wasn't a nice person. I wasn't nice to him in school and I live to regret it. I live knowing that I have done ill to him and caused harm. I know he hated me, maybe he hates me still. G-man seems to be stuck in a certain place in his life, unable to move forward.  I wish him well, hell if anyone else doesn't have demons of their own.

I see its really hard for him at the moment, he's working probably less than minimum wage and working as a runner again. He has all thse skills in CGI and he's working getting coffees for wankers. It's part of why I don't 'do' coffee runs at work.

I'm 32. I'm on the cusp of being old and not old. I'm on the cusp of not being young anymore. I am as Alfred says in batman v superman: dawn of justice: 'too old to die young'.

When I turn 33, it's the same age that Charles died. That's a bit of a head fuck.