I'm watching this documentary about the 2000s (my 3rd or so post tonight).

One thing that's very painful in my mind is the expression: 'lost decade'. Back in 2009-2010, young people (like myself at the time) were referred to as the lost decade.

I remember it. Graduating from university and then, getting to the job centre once every other week. The friendly job advisor asking what I've done that week for applications and then their services not really being applicable to my skill set, to my job aspirations or even their tools to help not applicable to me.

Woolworths closed down. My aunty I from across the street lost her job, she lost her pension. She later died 4 years later in 2012. Of course I didn't know that at the time.

The 2008-onwards period of my life was marked by so much darkness.

I do believe that I'm coming out of that darkness, but perhaps into another, different, deeper darkness.

But that deeper darkness is an adulthood, a realisation, that moment when you wake up depressed to the cold air. Realising that its better to get up than stay in bed. Even if facing the day means facing a cold dry truth of reality.

It was a few years of waking up at 10-12am and trying to get to do some job applications. Working part time, then part time-ish, then full time-ish to what is now.

I climbed out of that lost decade, but I do ask myself: if things could have been much better and went much faster if things were different, if I were different.

That darkness implies that there could have been a lighter reality for me.

A part of me, that darker part of me, says of that thinking: don't think about it, think about the now and your options now. Think about what's useful for you now and in the future.