that time I changed my laces and it took so fucking long

Dear Diary,

I'm always talking about the aspiration of swallowing an egg. The reality of it is swallowing an egg is painful.

Of course, I am referring to an expression that I heard of swallowing an egg, which means to do something especially difficult that you want to put off.

One Egg I swallowed over the past couple of days was to change the laces on my brogues. I have a really nice durable pair of Loake brogues. I think they may even outlive me. The thing is that the original waxed laces lost their aglets and were in desperate need of replacement. I was putting off this task because I didn't have the first clue.

So what I did initially was go on amazon. I looked up 'Loake laces'. I bought one pair of 125cm length. When it came in I felt so proud of myself and this was truly an attempt at swallowing an egg. Then, I realised it was too short. Then I looked again on amazon, but not before putting things off.

[in my mind right now as I type this physically. I'm reminded of a flashback. The year is probably something like 2011-2013, I am in the line up for an administrative position at an events venue linked to Shambly Arena. The staff are comparably similar and there is distinct overlap as it's the same company. I don't get the job but I still have that distinct memory of the old fashioned building and being in their waiting room. I don't know why I'm thinking about that as I'm writing about how I changed my laces]

The failure of getting laces that were unsuitable for my shoes put me off. It put me off to the degree that I avoided trying to solve the problem. I then considered, what about shorter laces? I then decided to get some 100cm laces. Lo and behold: it's too long, but only just. I realised 'only just' too long is not acceptable. I don't want to look like some early 2000s clown where all my shit is hanging and dragging on the floor.

Again, I put it off. I put it off some more and then I just decided. Fuck it, lets go for the 75cm laces. I thought by a process of elimination it had to be the right ones. I received the laces but then I did a wardrobe and desk reshuffle/clearout. This meant that I didn't know where my new laces were, that made me put things off even more. Eventually at 2am on a saturday/friday night, I did it. I just went downstairs after finding the laces (under a pile of highlighters and other junk), I pulled the old laces off and entered the new ones. They were short, but exactly the same shortness of my old laces, so basically a successful exchange.

I finally swallowed that egg.

My dad never solves problems, he just leaves things to linger and when they become problems he just puts a carpet over it (figuratively and in the case of the rising floor boards, literally). I hate how he does that, what I hate most is how I too do not resolve my problems directly but let them linger, avoid them.

It says something deep about me if I were not to address my problems and tackle them. It is a sign of weakness. It is worst of all, a very real part of me that I'm trying to address. That and avoiding my family and friends... but that's the topic of another post.