Thursday, August 21, 2014

Dear diary,

I've set up my Matrices of money coming in.

So, I worked a bit in July, and a fair bit in August. That leads to money coming in for August and September.

My work has come in for September, and even though I have a few days (maybe like 2 days a week through the month), it does, as it stand, look quite dry in terms of work.

Next week I will be 'off' completely from any paid work, unless something comes in all of a sudden.

After I got home from work today I went to the gym, then I got some fish and chips and munched it as I got home. I watched a bit of netflix and wrote a few essays just now.

I'm ready to go to bed but I am worrying about the autumn months.

Is it so odd that I'm thinking this far ahead? The past me would have considered this unthinkable. I had to do a lot of changing over the past year to adapt to work and life. But I'm not even working full time ( even though I do more than full time hours sometimes, like 15 hour shifts, weekend and evening work, and in the case of this week..a 6 day week. .. it's not consistent or stable) I wonder how I'd cope with full time properly? Maybe I could spend the rest of my life doing odd jobs if it paid enough.

I haven't heard back from that guy who emailed me about tutoring at the private college. I sincerely hope I could get a gig like that.

At work earlier today I got emailed about a short 1 day assignment. Normally I'd jump at the chance to take it up...but I'm already on another assignment this week. Can't be greedy!

In other other news, I got my event shifts for september, there are a few extra shifts floating around but I'm not fully sure I really want them because they are big events and I actually have to do hard work in it.

I've mentioned in a recent post how things have gone full circle. Last september I started working at sentinel sport, which was when things started to pick up.

I really need to up things a gear right now. I know that life in general has upped a gear and I've struggled to adapt but things like my weight have been bothering me. I had a trigger at work earlier. A woman, who I used to work with, her presence upsets me. I think it's the fact that last year I was working with her and now a year on I see her there, and she's taken the job of someone at the department I used to work at, and another person who interviewed me earlier in the year for her job, has been promoted.

I'm jealous.
It's an ugly thing to admit.
I'm jealous that they get promoted while I'm working precarious odd jobs at the organisation.

I want to have their jobs, their 9-5's, their monday to fridays (or in the case of the sunday sentinel, tuesday to saturdays). I wish I could impress people at work so that I could work there full time and get promotions and be upward. Or at the least, be offered work that fits who I am.

On the other other hand, I can't bite the hand that feeds me. I'm damned fortunate (false class consciousness if you will) that I am working where I am.

I don't like these ugly emotions that I have. But they are a part of my naked soul. Summer has been good...had been good. But I can see how the seasons are changing. Football has started again, that's the quintessential sign that the British autumn approaches.

I better go to sleep. Only had 5 hours last night.


p.s. haven't even had a wank today.

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