Monday, August 25, 2014

Dear Diary,

The 6 day week has passed. I feel like there's a calming influence going through me increasingly. I feel like if I itemise the various tasks I need to do in life it gets easier, easier than seeing it as a nebulous blob.

Sunday and Monday has merged into one.

On sunday I read a whole lot of newspapers, then did some wanking.
On Monday I did a bit of wanking, and then ...*trying to remember* I did some archiving and non-priority tasks.

I had a bit of a revelation from chatting with someone online.

I told her about a couple of experiences that I had with women in the past couple of years. It turns out that some of the things women have done to me count as rape...and I don't know what to think of that.

I was nonconsentually assaulted on the recent one night stand because there was a moment when I was sleeping that she would start touching me. Another occaision when I was seeing Adora that she wouldn't let me leave the room (it was locked) and I kept asking her and instead she undressed me and started doing sexual stuff to me and I really just wanted to leave. I complied with her and I was so tired afterwards but she did begrudingly let me out.

One person suggested I go to a rape crisis place.

I don't know what to think or feel about this.

I partly just want to think about how I want to move forward with my life.

I hate how summer is ending and its already getting cold and miserable.

I am starting to worry about the dark times and the dark months.

This week (at least to my understanding) I will be off from work so I must focus on tasks.

I also must avoid overspending, like buying so much airsoft gear,.

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