This week (6 year anniversary of suicide attempt)

I realise just now that I've not blogged much. I hate not blogging and saying that I'm too busy. I'll give a digest of things doing on.

 

Monday

Manscaping, recieved voucher, went spinning, listed items on ebay

Tuesday

Work, purchased stuff on ebay, practiced piano, visited Eileen's widower

Wednesday

Interview invitation, went to work, practiced piano, errands with Eileen's funeral

Thursday

Double session at gym, practice piano, tidy up house

Friday

Adora visited, sent off items sold on ebay. Tidying up house. Sex

Satuday

Went to Christening, had more sex and cuddles, travelled to and from north london. 1 hour journey made bearable by foursquare.

 

Over the week I've been buried. I've been trying to work out a way to think about how to get everything done. I've not been so good at that.I've been upset, tired, enamoured, and all kinds of other feelings. I almost felt like saying 'I love you' to Adora. I finally managed to orgasm durign sex with her, after much difficulty. After waking up, having sexyfun, and then making breakfast/lunch, we then went back into bed and then had more intimate fun, then we got all tired out and we had the most perfect cuddle, holding each other, naked warmth keeping each other warm, and just fading into unconsciousness.

 

Meeting my family this evening was good. I talked to Merv about bereavement, and he was so very sensitive about it. Merv told me how its different with each person, and everyone mourns in their own way. Merve also told me that its okay to cry. A cousin told me that the most supportive thing for one to do is just to sit with the mourning person, no advice or much talking, just listening. Talk only about the lost person if they want to talk about it. I love my family and I realise with each death in the family how special each of them are. Merv knows a lot about bereavements, he lost his grandfather (who he lived with), a couple of friends, and a dear family friend within the space of less than two years. Merv knows pain.

 

On the 10th November 2006, I was hospitalised. 6 years on, I'm clinging to life, love, family, work, and the joys of friends. A lot of heavy stuff is happening. I used to bang on in my earlier years about how great pain allows for great joy. I'm not sure I agree 100% with that now, but I do think there are joys within times of sadness. Adora's cuddles were very healing, and just having a moment where I don't have to care about all this stuff going on was perhaps helpful.

For now I better go to sleep. Maybe I'll play some podcasts in bed.