Hello Friend,

I haven't written an entry for a while.

Since about wednesday night/Thursday morning last week, I have been unwell. I am still recovering from tonsil issues.

I have managed to cope pretty well with being physically sick. My productivity is good and I'm hitting certain minimal targets. I'm actually surprised at that myself. It also means I'm not giving myself shit about being tired.

To use the term of some of my peers. I need to focus a bit on self care.

That isn't to say I haven't been full on. I have compartmentalised many aspects of my life and my activities are dictated as if by a pomodoro timer. As soon as the timer for one thing ends, another begins, and each new thing I go at it with some ferocity.

That is until I'm tired and my brain fogs up. Which happens a bit.

On Sunday I did my usual gym ritual. I only went up to 2400kcal instead of 3500kcal. Considering I'm unwell and I have few precedents for training when sick, I think I did well?

Perhaps if I'm lucky, I can finish work early tomorrow. I'm being a bit too ambitious perhaps.

Let's talk about the past week: it was one of my friend's birthdays and I left early. This guy is toxic and I don't really want to be his friend so much, but we are part of a group and he is part of the territory.

Other things: I'm reading about mentalisation based therapy, borderline personality disorder, the foundations to the approaches underlying borderline personality disorder and thinking about its possible application. I have started a course of 6 hours therapy. So I'm reading stuff as part of the process.

Last weekend I was watching a netflix show with Ricky Gervais. It was about bereavement. Ricky Gervais in his cod philosophy graduate way, protrayed a character who was an antinomian cunt who lost hope in life after his life ended. What he realised was that although his life may be something he doesn't value much. There are people around him who have lives, and those people have their own difficulties and their own challenges and they don't have the option to be cunts and kill themselves.

Something I'm learning lately, with this whole trump/gamergate/brexit/masculinity thing going on right now is that so many people (especially men) find it unthinkable just to listen to someone. It is always about ascent to agreement or disagreement and usually disagreement. So many things in the world could be made better if we just listened to the experiences of others and took that into account in our own behaviours.

So, I'm learning stuff lately.

I've done a shit load of catchup. I've done all my necessary paperwork for today. Despite overeating and not going to the gym (today I'm still recovering from tonsils), I do think I got a lot done.

I don't often have the energy to write or reflect in the way that this blog medium can allow for me. I feel gratitude for my competencies today. I feel gratitude for the people around me and I must reflect on my areas of growth and my challenges.

Off to bed.