I've had some help from psychology services.

The conclusion of the session was that I need to think more about the things that are difficult. I experience frequent night terrors. I also feel hypervigilant.

I need to write more about this. I need to write about what I go through and what I feel, this is integral.

I also need to be open and I need to do actual emotional work through this process. This entails a sense of vulnerability which I think I am not willing to experience.