Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Guy at the chinese takeaway

There is a favourite takeaway I like to go. About 4-5 roads down; there is this lovely chinese takeaway. I love to go there and get pork balls, chicken and sweetcorn soup, and sometimes the special fried rice. It's a bit pricey adn I don't have that much money to burn.

Nice comfort food.

What I feel is a penetrating jdugment frmo the man who owns the place. I go there and the guy always asks if I want more rice; or he talks to me in this somewhat impersonal, demeaning way. Why does he do it? It sort of makes me feel self conscious, makes me feel judged. Makes me feel...shit, shit like the feeling of rejection I experienced from that new president guy from that society...the kind of rejection that Marie doesn't like me.

I want to purge. But I shouldn't. Perhaps it is better punishment to just starve to death. Not going to that chinese takeaway, and the next place being 30 mins travelling makes things encouraging in a pragmatic way. But I feel so hungry...

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