Monday, April 7, 2008

Appearances changing - but what is permanent?

After the night with Antonia; and after a little photoshoot I did with my friends, I feel quite positive about my body.

1. I have bought these new vests (size S) I look quite nice in the tight vest
2. Antonia has waxed my back - she said it was a nice gesture of bonding...she's a good friend :)
3. The photoshoot we did with my friends make me look quite sexy. I almost live my own life in the eyes of others; that who I am is defined by how they talk of me...that is true to a point (that point being my identity as 'academic' - which is from inside me, my innermost self)
4. My tummy hurts a little from purging today. I only did a little bit, mind.
5. I am 162lbs today. That's like 10lbs less than when I did it last time. I should be at the target of 140 pretty soon :) (maybe 2 months)
6. Question is...will I continue purging below 140lbs? Marie said that that's just an excuse for me to currently purge, and I won't be able to stop it even if I reach my target weight...that it will control me. I feel like she understands this, because she goes through similar pain. I trust her because of that, and I feel connected to her because we are so similar at heart...

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