Showing a bit of flesh

If I was a girl; perhaps I would be seen as a desperate slut.

I have had a tendency recently to emphasise my new slimmer body. I wear tight shirts and trousers, and basically nothing else. I have also bought today some vests; the kind that I have been fantasising about wearing since my body has gone smaller now.

Now that I am a 'small' shirt size; I have bought some vests. I have also found that wearing tighter clothes make you look slimmer; for when I was not purging; I sometimes looked fatter cos there were more creases.

Today when I bought my new clothes; my dress shirt which was tight,, and my vests; I wore them, with my long hair hanging over me, I felt beautiful, I felt like the kind of person I wanted to be like when I was a little kid.

WHen I was a little kid I wanted to be really cool and look like I could do anything and do things that my parents wouldn't let me do; like buy pretty fancy clothes, stay out, late, and do all those american, hollywood things like drive cars, shoot laser guns, and have pretty girls as friend.

Most of those things are coming true for me.

The sexiest thing I find about myself is that I'm a geeky academic who studies the driest subject in the world; but I look so sexy sometimes...but then my 'ugly goggles come in' and look at the faults I have, and I thought to myself; if you think you are so attractive, how come you have never had a girlfriend? How come Marie doesn't like you? How come you aren't academically good enough? How come you get anxiety? Is your anxiety a sign of cowardice?