Hiding

Today (the last post was unpublished from 4 days ago); I purged a huge amount.

I'm at home with the parents this week, mum heard. She was making some remark about how I ate too quickly, but then she asked 'are you okay'? As she was by the door; I opened, and, in an ingenius strategy; I had shaving foam over my face, with a half shaven face, and she dismissed her suspiction...at least for now.

She thought I was shaving the whole time in the bathroom, and possibly just coughing cos I cough a lot (like my dad); maybe I was just gagging on the foam as I inhaled when spreading it around my face, maybe as I put the foam over my lip i breathed inwards and some of it went into my nose and i had to cough it out...

Or maybe, I am coming to terms with the reality that If it was meant to be with Marie; it would have happened already. Antonia was hard on me today; saying it is hopeless with her, but at least I have her, so she says, to love me.

I want Marie; but increasingly my female friends tell me that she isn't good for me...my friends care about me, but they just don't understand.

Marie is like the dream and hope I forgotten I had. Marie is perfect.

Marie is my dream...